I don’t know how to turn it off

The switch that says “don’t care”

When all I want, in all the world

Is to know that you are there

I don’t know why we didn’t work

It was not for lack of trying

To stay, to leave either way

I seem to end up crying

To stay was to accept

That I might be lonely forever

To Leave tore my soul apart

But we weren’t working together

For when you’ve found your person

The one with whom you fit

You don’t need to push yourself

Or have aims or targets to hit

When you’re in that bubble

The outside world stops

Because everything you’ll ever need

Fits into a human shaped box

it made us complacent

We stopped striving to be better

We thought we were invincible

And now we regret it

Now we’re left all alone

One soul split in two

The only thing connecting us

The pain we live through

If you figure how to do it

How to turn the feelings off

Don’t tell me your secret

Because I don’t want it to stop


It’s a fight


To get up

To function

To breathe

To be

Or not to be

To question

To know

That I may have won today

But the war continues tomorrow

Living the Dream

So here I am.

Sitting at in my ‘student house’ with text books all around me. A hot mug of  herbal tea to comfort me and warm me up .

I did it.

Despite everything I’m here. I’m alive. I’m a student on track to graduate in 9 months with a first class degree. I have an incredible boyfriend who is about to go on his own adventure to Texas for a year. I have an incredible family who support me and love me through everything, including a beautiful baby niece Abigail whom I love to pieces, but reminds me that I am so not ready for a baby yet.

I have so much to be thankful for, so much.


My home is calling

My bed beckons

The kettle has boiled

The tea awaits my return

The sheets are fresh

And the cupboards are full

The clothes are folded

And the heat is on

My heart longs for the day

My key turns in that door

And I walk in to my house

Put down my bags and sigh

It might not be much

It might need a few tweaks

But there in those walls

I feel safe, I feel at home

21 things I would like to give you on your birthday but can’t

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! I sincerly hope youve had the most incredible 21st birthday. Here are all the things I would give you if I could…

  1. A massive birthday party with all your friends and family
  2. A suprise holiday to somewhere exotic
  3. A VERY expensive watch
  4. A nice new car
  5. A new phone
  6. A Surface book pro 4
  7. Some fancy new designer clothes
  8. Fancy new comfy shoes
  9. A turtle
  10. A meerkat
  11. A new ring or a special piece of jewlery
  12. Something antique and special
  13. That Raulph Lauren jumper you wanted
  14. A work placement close by to me
  15. A gym membership
  16. Personal Trainer
  17. Motorbike
  18. A fancy candle lit dinner
  19. A new 4K TV
  20. Surround system for your house
  21. A golden retriver puppy

I might not be able to facilitate or afford these things, but its the thought that counts right? I can, however, give you lots and lots of love and cuddles and another year of adventures and memories to come.

Happy Birthday Elliot.

21 things I want for you

  1. I want you to find a career you love
  2. But to have a home life you love more
  3. I pray you will draw closer to God
  4. And you find comfort in his presence
  5. I hope you will have many happy birthdays and Christmas’s that you’ll remember forever
  6. That you’ll create traditions of your own to pass onto our children
  7. I pray God will continue to give you strength courage and wisdom in every difficult decision you make
  8. I want you to feel strong, healthy and joyful even on the days you feel sad
  9. I want you to feel comfortable in your home and life & know for sure it’s where you are meant to be
  10. I hope you will find a hobby that brings you hours of entertainment and enriches your life
  11. That we will find a church & we will make friendships that last many years
  12. That we will become apart of a community and contribute to events for the greater good
  13. I pray for peace. That God will fill you with supernatural knowledge that everything will be ok even when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel
  14. I hope one day you will look back on your life & be thankful for all the beauty happy memories you have made
  15. That you will leave a mark in your own special way
  16. That your loved ones know they are loved and you receive there love in return
  17. I want you to be able to work hard and feel a sense of achievement at the end of the day
  18. But to also take guilt free self care days
  19. That you spend time investing in yourself
  20. But also in your family
  21. Most of all I want you to know that I love you more than anything in the world & that whatever happens between us I know you have a bright wonderful future ahead of you. I hope with every molecule of my being that I’m apart of that future.

21 Meerkat facts

  1. Meerkats are small in size. They can reach 12 inches in height and weigh up to 2 pounds.
  2. Meerkats live in groups called “mobs” which consist of 2-3 families of meerkats. One mob shares a single burrow.
  3. They are highly social animals and they like to play or groom each other. Besides fun time, each member of the mob has its own duty which benefits the whole group.
  4. When they hunt, some members look out for the predators, while others work on the hunting strategy.
  5. In the case of danger, meerkats alert other members of the mob using specific sounds.
  6. Meerkats are territorial animals. Average size of their territory is 4 square miles. They dig holes throughout the whole territory and use them as shelters in the case of danger.
  7. Meerkats hunt and eat insects, scorpions, small lizards, snakes, eggs. They also eat roots and bulbs.
  8. They are immune to the venom of scorpions and snakes.
  9. Since they live in arid areas, they get all the water they need from the food they eat.
  10. Meerkats have excellent eyesight, sense of smell and hearing.
  11. They stand on their hind legs while they survey their environment. Female can even nurse their babies in the standing position.
  12. Meerkats mate during rainy season and have few litters each year. Female gives birth to 2-5 pups. They are hairless, blind and their ears are closed. Pups stay in the burrow with their mother couple of weeks, until they become ready to eat the solid food.
  13. Adult meerkats take care of their pups in shifts.
  14. Adult meerkats teach young what they should eat. Young meerkats are afraid of predators and they will hide in the barrow even if they see an airplane.
  15. Meerkats live up to 10 years in the wild and up to 13 years in the captivity.
  16. There are meerkats at West Midlands safari park
  17. There are meerkats at Dudley Zoo
  18. We should go see them
  19. Theres a show called Meerkat Manor
  20. We should watch it
  21. Elliot loves Meerkats



21 bible verses for you

1. Micah 6:8

“And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

2. Psalm 34:18

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

3. 1 Corinthians 10:13

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

4. Deuteronomy 31:6

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

5. Philippians 4:6-7

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

6. Joshua 1:9

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”7. 2 Timothy 1:7

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline.”

8. 1 Timothy 4:12

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.” 

9. Psalm 138:3

“In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.”

10. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 

11. Luke 10:27

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

12. 1 Corinthians 15:58
Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
13. Psalm 146:9

The LORD protects the strangers; He supports the fatherless and the widow, But He thwarts the way of the wicked.

14. Psalm 118:6

“The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

15. Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

16. James 5:16

“Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”

17. Psalm 119:72– “The law of Your mouth is better to me than thousands of coins of gold and silver.”

18. Luke 6:38 – “Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”

19. Psalm 86:5

You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you.

20. Psalm 86:15

But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.

21. Psalm 136:26

Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever.

21 ways you make me laugh

  1. When people don’t understand your sense of humour but you continue to prank them anyway
  1. When people don’t understand your sense of humour but you try to make friends with them by freaking them out
  2. When you tell me not to buy sweets but then buy yourself an expensive watch 😂
  3. Making strange noises in your sleep
  4. Pretending to be coco for a good 10+ minutes
  5. When you’re trying to tell a story but you’ve gone off on so many tangents not even you know what story you’re telling
  6. I accidentally brush you and you think I’m tickling you so you flinch
  7. When I actually tickle you and you squeal
  8. When you hide in places to make me jump
  9. When you try to prank me and it doesn’t work because I’m so inattentive
  10. When you get bored and do things like make mile long Christmas chains from scrap paper
  11. When you don’t want to waste food so bad that you’ll eat really dodgy things *that duck though*
  12. When you get bored and decide your going to buy a boat or a plane
  13. When your laugh makes me laugh and my laugh makes you laugh and it’s never ending
  14. When we both think of the same thing at the same time
  15. When I think of something but you already thought of it
  16. You know/care more about skincare than I do
  17. When you know more about what I need than I do
  18. When you know I’m sad and send me cute/funny memes
  19. Being your witty self
  20. Banter