Light in Darkness

Last year bought several dark moments, but it was these times which I realised which lights were shining the brightest.

It was these moments that I found myself rediscovering my relationship with God.

I was brought up in church, went to Sunday school every week, knew all the stories, knew how to play “church”. It wasn’t until I turned 16 that I first discovered my own relationship with God, and surprisingly it had nothing to do with Church. There was little for me at the church my parents went to,  most of the young people were scared away by the hymns and the closed minded attitude. I fought it for ages, I got involved with a Christian charity called “One Generation” which encouraged you to run “Christian Unions” in schools. And of course my CU was the best… on valentines day I bought three hundred love-heart shaped post-it notes and stayed up writing/posting positive messages such as “you are beautiful” or “you are loved” etc. I posted the messages on students lockers purely for the joy of doing it. I wanted to spread the happiness and love that being a Christian gave me.

But then it all went wrong. I went from having the most successful year of my life so far, to absolutely failing my Alevels and losing all my dreams and ambitions (or so it felt at the time). Ashamingly, I blamed God. I believed that he had dangled this amazing bright future infront of me, and then stripped it away from me as a test. A test I failed too easily. I turned my back on Church, my friends, my relationship with God and buried myself into a deadend job, going out and a toxic relationship.

This lasted about eighteen months but eventually I stabilised, found myself an apprenticeship, broke off my relationship (a few times if I am honest), and accepted that I wasn’t going to uni to have the career as a doctor that I dreamed off. I applied myself to my new job and found myself being promoted a few times, I made amends with most of my friends and found myself in a healthy loving relationship. The only thing I didn’t repair was my relationship with God. I convinced myself I was best not to go back there, it would only cause me heartbreak and pain – right?

But then I found myself broken again, but this time, there was no obvious solution. Neither my parents, my boyfriend nor alcohol could help me numb the pain I was feeling and this was when I knew I had to try. I had heard about a new church in the centre of Birmingham with a strong student base, and I gave it a shot. Walking into that building for the first time was scary, but straight away  I knew there was something there. Even though I had never stepped foot in there before I immediately felt a sense of peace. It was the same feeling you get when you finally get home after a long hard day, and your favourite person in the whole world is there ready to greet you and welcome you.

I was home.




”If you can’t do – teach!” 

Said no one intelligent ever. I imagine being a teacher is going to be one of the hardest but most rewarding job I will have. Ok, I guess some teachers are lazy and get kids to teach themselves via textbooks and films, but let’s be honest, not many of them could get away with that any more – even if they wanted to. 

What makes a great teacher? My favourite lessons at school were the ones with the best teachers. They were the ones that actually cared if you passed or failed. The ones that put thought and effort into each and every lesson. 

Then there were the lessons with casual flirting. The ones that cared a little bit too much whether my friend had a good weekend and what she had just tweeted about… So much so that he also casually forgot to tell me the coursework I spent hours on was actually irrelevant as I couldn’t submit the topic I had chosen anyway- great! Oh and then there was that time that my teacher stood up in front of the whole sixth form and called me “manipulative” because I had gotten most of the students to sign a petition saying that we wanted our teachers to actually turn up to our lessons… 

But then I will always remember the teacher that inspired me so much I ended up turning from someone who would get kicked out of class, to someone getting 50/50 in a piece of coursework, and loving it so much that actually I would have kept writing if not for the word limit. 

Teachers have so much responsibility it’s crazy. You literally have someone’s future in your control. Ok so it’s not like being a doctor where the decision you make will determine if the person front of you will live or die in the next 30 seconds. But actually the decision you make, to watch one more episode of Netflix & wing it or to plan your lesson throughly, could potentially determine the shape the next 30 lives in front of you for the next 30 years. 

I probably would have gone to uni if I had different teachers, and that   thought alone pushes me to want to be the best teacher I can possibly be. 

 “If you can’t teach, please don’t”